The Trying Toddler

I will not give in. I will not give in. I will not give in. How many times have I said this mantra to myself today? WAAAAAY too many to count. How many times this week? Think AT&T's "times infinity" mind explosion.
 
 How many times did I betray myself? Less, but enough times that I truly feel guilty for judging other parents for doing the same before I had a child of my own. These days I find I'm regularly quickly mentally weighing the odds and potential outcomes of battle after battle of wills. Is this something I really want to stand my ground on? Chicken versus the desired blueberries? Yes, my toddler is very stubborn and finds that it's even more funny to laugh after being openly defiant. Throwing food off of his tray seems to be a favorite. So much so, that frequently I give up on the high chair and hand him piece by piece of food. He is not too pleased with this new dinnertime exchange, but I am also tired of racing to pick up food before the dog scarfs it up. Okay, if I'm being completely honest, I let her win occasionally...only because I'm soooooo dang tired of cleaning it up myself. Unfortunately, feeding the dog seems to be a positive reinforcer to the food throwing! I was hoping this would have the opposite impact as in "Ah! She's eating MY food!" Nope.

To say my husband and I have our hands full is a complete understatement. I realize at this age discipline is not a concept O totally grasps, but a firm "No" used to do the trick. Now O continues to test the boundaries. Thankfully, distraction is still helpful...most times.

Our daily battles seem to be mostly over food. O was a fantastic eater up until about 13 months. I mean a FANTASTIC eater. If it was put in front of him, he tried it and generally liked it. Today, his diet consists mostly of fruits, dairy, and grains (i.e. crackers and Cheerios). Right now the only veggie I can get him to eat is soy beans and even then he's become more finicky about these as well. He used to eat ham and cheese sandwiches on bread like a champ, but even a slice of bread doesn't do the trick. Forget toast which used to be a breakfast favorite. Sigh. He was also happy to eat chicken or meatballs which I found were a great way to sneak in a serving of veggies discretely (those were the first to go). Peanut butter used to be a special treat, but is now scoffed at! I'd question whether he was my child given his current distaste for PEANUT BUTTER, but of course I was there for his birth.

I'd be happy to just give in to his desire to eat cheese and fruit all day, but naturally my concern as a mother is whether he is getting all of his nutrients. As mentioned before, I began hiding veggies in meatballs. I felt some sense of accomplishment and grinned giddily as I watched him scarf down these incognito veggies happily. VICTORY! Alas, that victory was short lived now that meats seem to be off the table as well.

Now my task seems to be to figure out where to get a good solid source of iron and protein? More milk, continued fruits of many color varieties, and soy beans (the only green left on the table and quickly headed for the ledge it appears). For now this is getting us by. The little stinker even figured out that I put a few carrot slices in his peach, mango, and apple smoothie I made this afternoon. The following is a few tricks I've tried to get a rounded diet into this decidedly picky eater. Maybe you'll find them helpful, but I'd also be very happy to hear your own tips and tricks as well!

Smoothies: I've found great recipes for veggie/fruit concoctions online and have even mixed a few of my own based on ingredients listed on veggie and fruit pouches made by Gerber and Beechnut bought in the baby aisle. When no longer semi-frozen, they make for a great juice treat which O happily drinks.

Meatballs: I have never followed a specific recipe for meatballs. I tend to just throw in ingredients until I feel that the consistency is about equivalent to a meatloaf mix. My meatballs generally include crushed crackers of any sort, meat (I've used both ground turkey and beef. O seemed to prefer the beef), pureed veggies (like a can of carrots and peas blended or even just baby food), and a few spices. I use onion powder and garlic powder in the mix and then top the meatballs with Cavender's seasoning. I do not have a specific amount of seasoning, but I use enough that I catch a scent of the seasonings when I smell the precooked meat mixture. Next I roll about one inch meatballs and make for about 20 min. at 350. They come out smelling delicious and are quite tasty! I've even caught my husband stealing one or two off the babes plate!

Muffins: O loved these! Me not so much, but I've also had plenty of real blueberry muffins in my life to know that there was definitely a taste difference. For O's muffins, I cooked cauliflower and then pureed it until very smooth. Instead of the full amount of milk or water requested by the box instructions, I only did about half of the liquid requested and filled the rest with pureed cauliflower. I mixed the cauliflower in with the rest of the mixture and baked according to box instructions. They came out smelling slightly different and tasting a little different, but O was happy to eat these. Again, I grinned slyly as he happily consumed disguised veggies!

English Muffin Pizzas: Again I used pureed cauliflower and mixed it in with the pizza sauce which I spread on a toasted English muffin and then covered with cheese. This is a favorite of O's and one I will be sadly disappointed if he denies, because I find it pretty tasty too and am very happy to use the other half of the English muffin to make my own pizza.

V8 Fusion: This is the less sugary of the two kid friendly V8 juices (Splash is the other option). I generally use this as a last resort only because it does have quite a bit of sugar in it and seems more of treat than a meal supplement, but days like today I am happy to have it on hand. In each 8 oz. serving there is a full-serving of fruits and a full-serving of vegetables.

Where's My Money?

It's no secret that a baby drastically impacts the family finances, but I have to admit that I did not truly appreciate or prepare for just how much a child can change things in the budget--Especially when I transitioned to part-time. Not only is there one more mouth to feed, but a baby requires so many extra special necessities (most notably during the first year). That's not even accounting for childcare if you are a mother who chooses or needs to work! It's no wonder people hold baby showers! There is just no possible way we could have afforded all our little guy's necessities on our own even while both my husband and I were working full-time making a pretty solid living. We were so very thankful (and continue to be) of the generosity of our very dear friends and family to help us prepare and care for our new family of three.

I also have a new appreciation of consignment retail stores these days. When your son grows out of that $30 adorable, department store outfit you just had to have within a two weeks time, consignment stores are where it's at! Not just for selling, but buying too! I recently found a brand new heavy coat for this winter for the little guy that sold in department stores for almost $40. I paid a hefty EIGHT bucks. Booyah! These days I find I am grateful to live in an area with many options for finding these types of resources for meeting my son's needs while also keeping our budget in tact. These same consignment stores are where I've found great deals on toys selling for pennies compared to the price for new, slightly modified models currently selling at Target and Wal-Mart. So what if it may be the previous model, but my son is 1. He's not going to care...or know the difference for that matter. Now in a few years time I do realize I will not be able to get away with this as easily. A four-year-old O will very likely notice that the lever on this model is red and goes up and down while the level on the new model is green and twists (Oh, and also comes in a sealed box). Oye!

Other ways my husband and I have trimmed our budget have been attempting to change our mindset. We focus on what we need rather than what we need...and then some. Case in point-it's been months since I filled up my entire gas tank just because I needed some gas. Instead, I focus on where I will be going the next week and calculate approximately how much fuel it will require to get to my destinations. Given that I've transitioned jobs from one that requires me to travel frequently to one that has me spending my entire day at an office in addition to no longer working full-time, trimming our gas budget has taken a lot off of our monthly spending. Other ways I've learned to trim gas usage is by following The Peaceful Mom's blog. Among the many ways she shares to trim a budget, she suggests planning your errand days as well, but making all of your errands in one day rather than going to the grocery store one day, then getting back out to pick up dog food from the Pet Store, then running out for gas. This reduces your gas usage by reducing your commute from your home. I have to admit I was very guilty of these short, unplanned trips, especially on days that seemed to drag on. In order to break up the day, I'd make a run to Sonic and then pick up some ingredients at the grocery store for dinner, even though I was just at the grocery store the day before. Which brings me to my next budget trimmer: The grocery list.

I, like many, was intrigued with the show on TLC Extreme Couponing. How in the world did those people whittle their $200 grocery receipts to just a few dollars?! It still blows my mind, but made me motivated to start my own adventures in couponing. No, I will never be an extreme couponer, but I do value the extra dollars coupons take off of my grocery bill. With a tiny bit of planning and coupon clipping/researching time, I have been known to shave off up to a third of our grocery bill. I get a thrill to see on my receipt how much money I saved percentage-wise and dollar-wise. Most recently I saved $23 off of a $70 dollar bill plus got an additional $.25 off/ per gallon of gas at my next Shell stop (I shop at Homeland if you haven't put that together). My grocery shopping days of just buying whatever sounded good at the time of my trip are no longer. I now plan our weekly meals in advance based on what I already have in my freezer and cabinets and what coupons I was able to find online and through newspaper clippings. Remember, my husband and I are attempting to focus on what we need versus what we need and then want. That's not to say that those Lofthouse "Better Than Sex" sugar cookies (Shout-out to my girl Dell!) don't occasionally end up in my basket, but more often than not I find myself oogling them at the store than moving right along on my weekly grocery store trips. These days less excess food is thrown out due to spoilage (read money down the drain). We're also getting good grub and full tummies while keeping money in the bank.

In addition to adding coupons to my spending habits (yes, retail/restaurant coupons too), we've been attempting to use cash as much as possible. I do find it is slightly more irritating to have to go by the ATM each week or ask for cash back when depositing a paycheck, but it has totally cooled our spending. Instead of buying that $1.99 Dr. Pepper out of the checkout line fridge for the drive home that I probably won't drink all of, I find that I'm more prone to wait and just swing by Happy Hour at Sonic for the $.50 small that is more my size or not get one at all. When the allotted cash is running low for whatever we've designated it for (grocery, gas, fun/extras-like going out for lunch or in the case of my husband-beer for the football game that weekend, etc.) we tend to spend our money more wisely and prioritize better.

These are just a couple of ways we've adjusted our budget to accommodate for a family of three on a 1.5 provider income without drastically changing our habits (i.e. dropping cable, lawn care, etc. which can also be viewed as extras). Our needs and priorities as a family can still be met with just a few simple changes. While this was not my most exciting post, I hope you maybe found it helpful. Also, seriously go check out the Peaceful Mom. She's got great advice on parenting, spending, and life in general. I always learn something new over there!

Lastly, here are a few of my favorite places to locate online coupons FO' FREE:

coupons.com

http://www.couponnetwork.com/?utm_campaign=CD2038&utm_source=MySavings_Media_Network&utm_medium=Affiliate

http://www.redplum.com/coupons/syndication.html?AID=11309494&PID=6630543

http://www.pgeveryday.com/tag/coupon?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=PG+Everyday_Search_Desktop_Brand+Awarness&utm_term=procter%20and%20gamble%20coupon&utm_content=sifYFi46E%7Cpcrid%7C22931583440%7Cb%7Cprocter%20and%20gamble%20coupon

http://coupons.target.com/

Who's Going To Watch The Baby?!?!?!

No one tells you about the extra, extra stresses of raising a child. When preparing for a child everyone warns you about the lack of sleep, the never private restroom visits, the adjusted finances, and everything else your standard parenting book covers. No one mentions how stressful just childcare can be.  Date nights are no longer planned on a whim (or guaranteed for that matter. A great date night may be planned only to get a call from the sitter 45 minutes in due to an inconsolable infant) and also come a double the cost (dinner/movie cost PLUS babysitter fees). Also, finding the perfect childcare situation can be daunting (In home or center? Which nanny or center to choose? How much are we willing to pay? Childcare availability/ hours of operation?).  In my case going to work is a constant calculation of how much I'm making versus how much I'm paying the sitter that day (Again, keep your therapy, dentist, doctor, hair, nail, etc. appointments people! No shows and last minutes cancellations are especially sucky for those of us trying to make a living off of billable hours. End rant.)

Our family recently had our first minor (read MAJOR, but I'm trying to downplay because I know it could have been much worse) crisis regarding childcare-- meaning we had none and needed some last minute. O typically stays at home with a babysitter we found through Care.com. We have been so happy with her and are so grateful to have her, but this particular day she was unexpectedly unavailable. Whomp, whomp, whomp. Thankfully my dear friend Sara (visit her here) graciously offered to watch O while I went to work for a half day unexpectedly. Talk about a lifesaver! My husband and I had always discussed what we would do in this type of situation where our regular sitter was unavailable for one reason or another. Ideally, my husband would work from home for a few hours while I went and covered my scheduled appointments, but this particular day last week this plan just was not feasible. What were we going to do?!

To say I had a minor freakout moment is a drastic understatement. I was a ball of nervous energy, my stomach was in knots, and my eyeballs may have been bulging out of my head (think creepy cartoon character size as seen below.) In fact, this actually a pretty close representation of what I looked like as I frantically listed my options.

 

So what were my options? Thankfully, I have a couple of friends who stay at home and knew that they would be happy to help if they were able (i.e. the lovely Sara), but I also knew that they were not a guarantee. My second option was to contact them for sitter referrals. Did they know anyone? Who would they recommend? My third option was to contact daycare centers and Mother's Day Out programs to see if they accommodated drop-ins. For our family, this was only the third option because O had never been exposed to such a large group of children at once without my husband or I in tow. Also, in my quick Google search I found that very few childcare centers around us accepted drop-ins.Yikes! I will note that I did not actually call any of these places and have considered that maybe they will accommodate such situations if contacted more directly, but do not advertise this online as to not invite regular drop-ins.

In my frantic search, I did learn a lot about the childcare programs around us like their hours of operation, programming, and enrollment processes if we chose this care option in the future. My search also exposed me to options parents have when their own children become sick. For our family, my husband and I will always make arrangements for one or the other of us to stay home with our sick guy, but I do realize that some parents do not have that option. Care.com has a list of many sitters who are willing to care for sick children. According to this Babycenter article (yes, my go-to), some hospitals and child-care centers offer sick care as well, but it can be pricey. This page also lists various options for identifying back-up child care and includes ideas I hadn't thought of in my hurried, frantic state like looking into local college programs or contacting a nanny agency for a list of backup care providers.

In closing, I would just like to say that I would be happy to pay Sara's generosity forward to any of my friends who need it! Please don't hesitate to call, and if I'm not working myself I'd be happy to have a playmate for O for the day and help you out as well. Parenting is a tough job and we're all in this together.

"My baby ate ____" and other Google Searches

Hi World! My apologies for my blogging hiatus. It turns out September and early October has become quite the busy time for us--Our entire little family's birthdays all crammed into one month (and one day...if my husband is reading), the beginning of the most pleasant time of the year-FOOTBALL SEASON or Fall as others like to call it, a scare with our poor kitty cat who now seems to be miraculously healed after a thousand dollar vet bill and still no ultimate diagnosis (Ugh!), and a few other fun adventures with family and friends.

Since I last wrote, Baby O has transformed into a Toddler. He's rambunctious and ON. THE. MOVE. His first birthday celebration was fantastic and we were so happy to be able to celebrate his birth with such amazing friends and family. It meant so much to us to see just how many people care so deeply for our little guy!

I believe O was motivated to take off on foot when he realized the other kids at his party were getting around so much quicker than his primary transport of crawling. Prior to the party there was a step here and a step there, but those days are no more. He even prefers to walk on his own over cruising in his stroller which leads to a much slower shopping pace for mom and dad. On the contrary, at home he is a movin' and a shakin' around the house which keeps me on my toes at all times.

In my experience a walking toddler is MUCH more challenging than a crawling toddler just because they really do get around faster on their own. This brings me to my point-Google searches. In the last few weeks I have had more Google searches open for things that I never even considered that anyone would ever have to type! Seriously. Yesterday I typed in "My baby ate a mot." Yes, in my frantic state after O ate a moth I misspelled "moth" but oddly felt a little relieved when Google courteously asked, "Did you mean "My baby ate a moth?" Yes! Yes, I did! Other parents had Googled this before me; therefore I was not alone with my child who may or may not be exhibiting early signs of Pica or honing his skills to prepare for a life modeled after Bear Grylls. I did also find some relief that he did not eat poop or a roach which were also suggestions as I was beginning my search. In the past week, he's also attempted to eat a fly (He caught that thing mid-flight! I like to think of it as a sign of advanced fine motor skills :)), rocks, dirt, and grass. Face palm.

After I concluded from my search that a moth was really no harm to my child aside from the disturbing residue of "fairy dust" that lined his lips (this was my tip-off something was awry), I began to wonder what other interesting searches Google received on a daily basis. In my search I found this article by the Huffington Post. What?

In just the short time since my husband and I have been graced by our little guy, I cannot believe how many searches I've done on constipation, breastfeeding (i.e. "When will my nipples stop hurting?"), signs of concussion (I may be a hypochondriac, but I will note that this search is opened more frequently now that O is often so preoccupied with getting to his destination he often runs into things-Less so now than when he was crawling, but still a daily issue), and of course, my already mentioned "My baby ate___." Thankfully, I have yet to be the first to search any of these items. There is some relief in knowing that others can relate. Misery really does love company, or at least in the case of this mom. What things have you searched that you found to be a surprising need?

The Hospital Pack List: Everything the Internet Over/Under Told You

Today my son turns one and instead of posting one more sentimental piece about this past year (see previous two posts) I found myself more motivated to write about my hospital pack list that was oh-so-carefully put together, reviewed, repacked, reviewed, repacked, repeat, repeat, repeat up until the big day one year and one day ago today where all chaos broke lose (see these two posts here and here.) I packed my bag at approximately 36 weeks just because I knew that it could be go-time at any minute even though I was yet to be "full-term". I've known people to pack earlier and some to not even be packed when it came down to the 40 week mark.

I packed at 36 weeks because I am a planner--A planner I am. Packing my hospital bag helped me to calm myself and find some sort of organization in the whole "becoming-a-new-mother-VERY-soon" mess of a brain. I did find the task a little daunting at first and so of course turned to Google to help guide me. Babycenter I have found does a great job organizing information whether you are having a c-section or planning a natural delivery; however, like most magazine articles and self-help guides they do go a little above and beyond. For example, a journal to document feelings and/or to track feedings??? Um, yeah right. Those first few days in the hospital for me were a blurred mess. When baby was not nursing; there was not a visitor, doctor, or nurse in my room; or I was not being served a meal, I was making every effort to catch up on some much needed shut eye. Journaling was the LAST thing on my mind. Also the nurses did a great job of waking me when it was time to feed baby at night and encouraged lots of feeding while I stayed in order to help my milk come in. Trying to get baby on a feeding schedule or making any effort at deducing feeding/sleeping patterns those first few days seems a bit ridiculous to me, but that is just my opinion.

I tried to stick very closely to Babycenter's guidelines mainly because I had no clue what to expect once I got through those hospital doors; therefore, I over packed. After my experience and some thought about my experiences one year ago here is my refined list. When it comes to our next one this is what I will bring in my bag. Hubby can fend for himself :).

• a copy of the birth plan-A few weeks prior to my due date I sat down with my doctor during our appointment and reviewed my ideal plan that I again got off of Babycenter here. I loved that it listed options and I could fill it in as if I were filling out a survey. I even added my own little remarks with further explanation to the side if I felt it necessary. At my appointment my doctor made a copy to put in my file, but having one on hand just in case it was needed for any reason was comforting.
• camera-I feel this is pretty self explanatory. I mean, duh!
• batteries-For the camera...Hello! It has always been just my luck to be ready to take pics and dun, dun, duuuuun...the battery in my camera is dead. I was NOT going to let that happen on the most special day ever!
• cell phone charger-The texts, the phone calls, the photos, the Facebook browsing while waiting for labor to progress wears down that battery pretty quick and you'll likely be there for more than just one day.
• bobby pillow-I did not bring one and had to have ours brought from our house. This is the ONE item I really, really, REALLY needed while in the hospital as I was making every effort to get acquainted with this breastfeeding business. Figuring out how to support your baby while he feeds is a tricky game even with all those fancy holds they teach in that overpriced breastfeeding course your doctor "encouraged" you to attend.  The boppy helps tremendously! Thankfully we live close enough to the hospital that sending someone home for it wasn't that big of a deal.
• LANOLIN-A must have!!! Your poor little boobies will be screaming for mercy once they are put to work. Remember these ladies aren't used to manual labor!
• nursing tops/ nightgowns-Notice plural--For a reason.  I wore a nightgown in the hospital, but wished I had just worn a nursing top merely because hiking up the nightgown at each feed was annoying and there was all this extra fabric to deal with when attempting to figure out breastfeeding. I also felt more was exposed of me than necessary (i.e. my post pregnancy belly. Ugh). Nightgowns are important because doctors and nurses need easy access to The Baby Exit (if you know what I mean) for follow-up monitoring, but since your pretty confined to the bed anyway going pantless under the sheet really isn't a bad choice. Have a pair of pants at the ready for those few instances when you are brave enough to get out of bed (Ouch!--The memory sends chills down my spine).
• robe-I packed one, but didn't end up needing it. Some women recommend them for the hours of walking around the hopsital that may be necessary when trying to get that labor moving a long. I guess this could also provide a good alternative to pants if you aren't ready to brave pants yet when getting out of bed. Actually, as I'm typing this it sounds like a fantastic idea--Especially after a vaginal delivery where every single movement of your legs, waste, or any other connected body part to The Exit is excruciating. The last thing you want to do is bend over or lift a leg to get your pants on.
• yoga pants-Anything stretchy is fantastic! I wore yoga pants when leaving the hospital with a maternity T. The only downfall of yoga pants is their tightness around The Exit. I was embarrassingly swollen and was grateful my shirt was long enough to cover up what my yoga pants were exposing. Maybe a loser pant choice (i.e. sweat pants) would be better.
• long shirt-to cover that swollen vag. For real! It's not so much of an issue of your pants are a looser fit (see above). When your any part of your body goes through trauma (i.e. sprained ankle, broken wrist) one expects swelling. Your The Baby Exit is not exception.
• reading material-If you find you are waiting, waiting, and waiting conversation can be exhausting with friends and family who are gracious enough to ride it out with you. If they love you, they will understand if you need some quiet time as you prepare for the bumpy ride ahead.
• glasses if you wear them-I don't, but if you do, you need them!
• makeup-I am vain enough that I considered what I would look like post labor and delivery. I was determined not to look as though I had just been through labor and delivery in all the hospital photos. While most of our hospital photos post delivery still depict me looking comparable to someone who had been run over a bus, I'd like to think I look more like I was hit with a short bus (beep-beep) and not a Greyhoud (hooooonk-hooooonk).
• face wash
• toothbrust/toothpaste
• hair brush
• ponytail holders
• deodorant
• body wash
• underwear for home
• baby's going home outfit- I packed clothes for his stay, but quickly realized the hospital provided him with shirts which were much more convenient for those first few diaper changes (oye!) when we still didn't quite have the swing of things. Sometimes I wish I could have been a fly on the wall that night in our room when my husband and I attempted to change our first poopy diaper all on our own. So glad we had FOUR hands and not just the usual two! Giggle. We did have an outfit planned for him to go home in and changed him quickly before walking out of the hospital doors with our discharge papers. Yes, the hospital provided a shirt, but it was not near as cute as the OU onesie we have in all our going home pics. For those concerned about pictures in the hospital with baby--Baby is rarely unswaddled during the hospital stay and clothes will not be seen anyway. 
• blanket for baby when leaving the hospital-The hospital is nice enough to let you use theirs while you are there, but they are not for keeps. 
• socks- Some good socks. Your feet will get cold, then hot, then cold, then hot. It's weird how the body reacts to all that stress and medication it's trying to manage. I wore blue fuzzy socks and at one point I think even had one sock off and one sock on..."something, something...My son John."
• comfy shoes- Whether your feet swell or not post delivery will be unknown. Make sure you bring shoes to leave the hospital in that have a little leeway. Thankfully my son was born in September so I could still get away with flip flops.
• snacks-While in labor you can't eat a thing, unless the hospital gives you a popsicle or something. Afterward you may or may not want something on your stomach. I remember feeling very grateful I brought granola bars in my bag, because after 12 hours of labor I had not had a thing to eat and I was famished. My husband kindly fed me a granola bar I had packed in my bag while I did skin to skin time with my son. I've known friends to be too nauseous to stomach much, whereas I did not have a problem eating meals. 
• baby book- Those tiny feet MUST be documented! They will never be that tiny again.

Things I found that were not necessary or I brought too much of:

• clothes for baby while at the hospital-see above at baby's going home outfit.
• blankets for baby while at the hospital-see above at blanket for baby when leaving the hospital
• breast pads-I brought several because I didn't know any better. I knew my milk would come in delayed, but had no idea of the time frame. I personally do not know anyone who's milk came in while they were in the hospital, unless they had a c-section. It wouldn't hurt to take a couple, but definitely not the whole box. Such a waste of space.
• maxi pads- The hospital provided all of my needs regarding The Exit as part of my post-delivery care package. I would still suggest bringing a few for when the hospital supply runs out. I asked for more, but was informed that I had no more in my package. Not a big deal.
• underwear for days- I don't know about you, but when I pack for even just a weekend getaway I pack enough underwear for a week! I don't know why. I just do. There's just something about wearing fresh underwear that makes me feel clean, no matter if I'm covered head to toe in mud. And I always have this fear that I will run out of clean underwear, thus I over pack. In the case of your hospital bag, there is not need to pack underwear for days because the hospital provides disposable mesh panties for all the after birth goodiness that can only truly be appreciated after you've experienced it yourself. Trust me, you don't want to be wearing your nice VS bikini cuts the first few days post birth. Take your own if you're really uncomfortable wearing the mesh disposables, but I suggest you get some oversized Wal-Mart cheapies.

As for now this is my list. I'm sure I will be making edits later as things come to mind. I hope you found this helpful. I would love to hear what you all put or did not put in your bags that you found to be a must or vice versa! Also, I really would like to know that other people are reading besides just my mom. Ha ha!

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

It's time to face it. My little baby boy is growing up. As his first birthday looms around the corner, mocking me and terrorizing me with threats that all too soon I'll be sending him off to college, I find myself feeling very anxious. I have an aching need to maybe hug him so tight that his growth just might be stunted and he will forever be this tiny little baby I can rock and snuggle. Some of you may be sighing and saying, "Geez, lady he's just one! Lighten up!" And to that I say to you, "Yes, he is just one, but he is growing up by the SECOND." By the end of this post I'm sure to have grandchildren!

Every day I find I'm delighted to see that he's picking up on new things. I find infinite joy out of his obvious pride over newly acquired tricks and skills, but I also take mental note of his growing independence. This is what parenthood is about, right?--Nurturing these skills in order to help these tiny dependent creatures turn into independent, thriving adults. So if I were to reframe these accomplishments in my mind (Hello counselor!), it would indicate that maybe I am doing an okay job at this parenting gig, right? Probably; however, I think any parent would agree that at each milestone there is a sense of accomplishment and joy, but also a bit resistance to the fact that our tiny baby is growing ever so further away from "baby."

Today I find my son has quite the sense of humor and understands the concept of cause and effect. He finds delight in getting a good laugh out of his audience and will repeat what he perceives others to find funny in order to continue this response. For example, over the weekend my parents came into town briefly and like many new grandparents do upon their arrival my husband and I got the quick, "Hi!" then attention was directed straight to the babe. Baby has began to point out objects in the room and desires some sort of response from you (i.e. for the object to be named or marveled at). My mom went the marveling route and responded "Wooooow!" to objects pointed out by Baby and soon Baby was also pointing out objects with a very theatrical "Whhhoooooow!" Amazing. It is now two days later and he is continuing to marvel the sink, the light, the door, the potted plant, the couch, and all these other "astounding and breathtaking" home fixtures. Silly boy!

I also know my son to be cautious in nature. He is willing to try new skills, but at his own pace. Baby took his first steps just shy of 11 months. Over the past month we've watched him grow more brave, taking just a few extra steps each time he finds the confidence to try this new skill out again on his own. On occasions where he requests assistance, he has let go of our hands on his own accord when before he had a held a death grip to each of my pointer fingers. He no longer looks for two hands to walk with and seems comfortable just grasping a pinky as he steps down the hallway. He does not like falling and was initially deterred by this unavoidable side effect of walking thus waited quite awhile before making another effort at two-footed transport. With each day, his walking efforts have become more frequent and his falls have been fewer and far between. Hand holding has become less frequent and distance conquered has increased. I admire his persistence and marvel myself at his accomplishments.

My heart hurt when on our most recent shopping trip for 12-18 month clothes for this winter I found myself in the Little Boys' section of the store rather than the Infants' clothing. His clothing print options no longer are limited to cute cuddly bears, circus animals, and pastels, but now come adorned with footballs, monsters, and other little boy icons. WHAT?! This winter his feet will not be warmed with booties, but actual boots! Am I ready for this?! Guess I have to be. Sigh. Head sulk.

To say I have enjoyed every single second of this first year would be a lie, but to say I appreciate and love each tiny moment is true-good or bad. As I've said before, I feel so blessed to be a parent. I am very grateful. Any parent knows that there are very trying times as well as very over-the-top fantastic times of raising an infant. I can say that I do look back at the entire year fondly and wish it hadn't gone by so fast. My son's FIRST birthday is in three days. Technically he is still an infant for three days and I will cherish every single second of his last few moments of infancy.

Breast Pump's Pink Slip

Baby and I have reached a milestone that I always knew was nearing, as with any milestone I guess, but this milestone seemed to be both relieving and saddening at the same time. It's the first milestone that I haven't felt excitement about, perhaps because it's a true testament to just how independent my little guy has become. I think also I feel disheartened by this milestone because breastfeeding was something that only mommy could provide. It was our special time and experience together. As I look back on my breastfeeding experience I have memories that stretch from one end of the spectrum to the other. Breastfeeding definitely has it's perks (i.e. boobs that would give any centerfold a run for her money), but definitely does not come without it's own frustrations.

Let me just say that prior to actually having my son, breastfeeding seemed like such a foreign concept to me and just one that I never saw myself really grasping. I must admit that prior to my own research I had this unfair, polarized impression of breastfeeding mothers partly because I had seen so much black and white thinking about the topic through social media outlets (i.e. Facebook "friends" I have mentioned in a previous post) and I had this notion that you had to be vegan, eat hummus at every meal, like Dave Matthews Band (I do like their music, but we all know the types those concerts attract. They're not bikers and headbangers, okay?), do yoga, wear bandanas and over-sized earrings, have a compost pile, and wear too many bangle bracelets to be the "perfect" breastfeeding mother. Very granola. Obviously, that's my own unfair assessment and could not be further from the truth. As it turns out, I got the hang of breastfeeding and once I (and my poor nips) got through the first week or two, it was a breeze and, for the most part, an enjoyable experience.

There were definitely times when I was ready to give up on the whole ordeal, but now I am so glad I stuck with it. The growth spurts were terrible, the night feedings were exhausting, the breast pads were annoying, and the engorgement could be disruptive (i.e. I could not enjoy a date night with my husband for more than a few hours without worrying about how soon I was going to get to pump due to pain.) My son's first growth spurt I felt like I was just a cow in a milk plant. He was eating nonstop and at times I wondered to myself What's the point of even wearing a shirt?, but we got through the first few spurts and when solid foods began to be added I started to feel less anxiety about whether I was actually providing my son with enough food. That is something I constantly was concerned about. Is he getting enough? This may have been because my son has always weighed in on the lower end of the scale, but the doctor was never concerned and after I rationalized with myself that neither me or my husband were portly or gargantuan I began to calm down about this...slightly.

And if I'm being totally honest, there were some selfish annoyances as well. One being that part of my son's original bedtime ritual was falling asleep while I breastfed which meant that I was the ONLY ONE who could put him to bed. Yes, there were a few occasions where the babysitter or grandmas were able to get him down, but it did not occur without a good crying fit and some resistance from the babe.  My poor sister-in-law had a nightmarish experience when she so kindly offered to watch him one evening while we went out to a late dinner with some friends. I think she may still be scarred from this night. She curiously has gotten over her baby fever that so plagued her a few months after she and my brother got married. Hm.

Second, was the regular calculation of when I could have a glass of wine or drink a beer before I would have to be ready to breastfeed again. I am not the drinkiest of drinkers, but do enjoy a good beverage now and again. Also that meant on the rare night when I found myself desiring just one more glass of wine after a particularly grueling day or at a social gathering I couldn't. Now there are some people out there who know the exact calculations of how many drinks you can have for every so many hours and at one point I did know these, but found it to be not worth my troubles. I had other things to worry about and worrying whether I may be sharing some of my happy hour with Baby was not something I cared to waste my time over. On the upside my lack of drinking for the past two years has made me a really cheap drinking partner. Ha ha! Now there's a way to trim the budget!  I kid, I kid...sort of.

Third, taking time out to pump due to engorgement could be very disruptive. When my son was 8 months old we left him for the first time with my mom for a weekend trip to attend some friends' wedding out of state. Our daily tourist plans were often disrupted by my need to return to the hotel and pump. Thankfully it was not too out of the way, but still an annoyance. I did not feel as free as I would have otherwise.

Finally, being a mother who solely breastfed for the few months I had to plan, plan, plan. I planned time in my day to pump while at work. This was often in the backseat of my own car hoping no one would walk by too closely in the middle of the parking lot, because at the time I was doing home based services and did not work out of an office. On outings with the baby I had to be aware of where private locations may be for him to feed (I was not brave enough to whip it out in public-- mostly due to modesty). I was also picky about these locations as feeding in the public bathroom stall seemed disgusting to me and very unsanitary. Gross! Very often I would make trips out to the car and feed him while sitting in the backseat. It was inconvenient, but it felt safer and cleaner and I could relax more thus allowing for more milk to be released.

Now let's talk about some perks of breastfeeding.

First, as I mentioned earlier, it is the ultimate Mommy and Me time. No one else can provide this experience for your child and there is nothing like knowing you are meeting your baby's needs with your own body (Ok, that totally sounded hippy/treehugger-like, but it is true. Maybe this is why I have the unfair, preconceived notion of the values of a breastfeeding mother?). Also, nothing hushes a screaming, inconsolable baby like a boob. Way too convenient! Only mom's can do that.

Milk boobs give fake boobs a run for their money. They're large and in charge and a sight to behold! I have never had more amazing boobs. Seriously. I was proud of those suckers (no pun intended)! When your milk comes in, your boobs look like a million bucks! I admit I was all too proud to show those beautiful things off to my husband the morning I woke up and BOOM!--my milk had arrived! I even think he was slightly intimated by them, but I think this was mostly because he was afraid they would go off at any second. Chuckle. Sadly they are no more--Now just deflated and used. Sigh.

And I cannot overlook the budget perks of breastfeeding. When we started buying formula to supplement a few months ago, I definitely noticed an impact on our budget. Thankfully I found that Target makes an Up and Up brand formula to compare to a number of name brand formulas (i.e. Similac, Enfagrow, and Gerber). They even have the specialized formulas for sensitive tummies too. Prior to having my son I vowed to never give him off-brand formula because "He deserved the best!" however, I quickly realized the best was also overpriced and our budget could use a little help after I transitioned to part-time. I studiously compared nutrient labels and contents of the Up and Up brand to our formula of choice and it was clear that I was getting almost the EXACT same thing in a larger quantity for less of the price even WITH the zillions of coupons that the name brands send you in the mail.

There are so many other perks of breastfeeding that I just don't have time to identify right at this moment as baby is starting to wake from his nap. Perhaps I'll add them later to this post or maybe just create a second post altogether when I'm feeling particularly nostalgic as this one has gotten really long.

Today, my son is approaching his first birthday in just a couple of weeks and we now only do morning and night feedings if you could even call them that--more like snacks as I am not producing enough to meet his need. These feedings are now combined with a bottle. My pump is tucked away in the cabinet and has not been used in over a month. I no longer have to wear pads in my bra (YES!), and my bras are just a little more spacious (DANG!). My son occasionally tries to lift my shirt for milk during the day which I find kind of funny, a little concerning at times, and if in mixed company, embarrassing. I write it off as a testament to just how insightful he has become--putting his world together and learning how to get things he wants. My son has yet to be sick, which I attribute in part to breastfeeding (another perk!). I'm looking forward to his next year of life, but I'm sure going to miss this very important and prominent part of our first year together. He's getting so big and it's times like these that I'm very aware of just how independent he is becoming.

Adventures in Sleep Training

I should first begin by noting that prior to our journey down the “sleep training” path I was not a believer in any cry it out method and had the selfish thought that my baby would just figure the whole sleeping-through-the-night concept all on his own, because after all, he is the most brilliant baby there ever was! Unfortunately, my husband and I were met with a harsh reality slap to the face at about 9 ½ months that it is called “Sleep Training” for a reason and we soon found that it seemed that our son really did need some training in this department.

Now one might wonder, “How do you know that a baby needs to be put through sleep training?” Well, I tell you, the bottom line is he just WAS NOT SLEEPING. After a week of having regular day schedules, and by that I mean, sticking to nap and feeding schedules with no issue, and horrible nights I found myself desperate. What was wrong with my child? Our nighttime routines never changed. Baby would take his bath about 7:30 p.m., we’d brush his teeth, he’d take a boob or two, and then be out like a light. I’d gently lay him in the crib already asleep and three hours later he’d be awake crying and almost inconsolable. He’d finally fall asleep on me, I’d tip toe into his room to lay him down only to be met with a squeal, resumed crying, and the whole process would start over. Alternatively, if I were lucky enough to actually lay him down without him waking, he would sleep for about an hour and then be up again for another two. All in all, NO ONE was getting much sleep. I realize with young’uns that no one expects the glorious 7 hours or more of uninterrupted shut eye, but at 9 ½ months no one expects to be staying away 2-3 hours at a time in the middle of the night either--Especially since this lengthy wake time had NEVER been an issue before. 

As I mentioned before, I was opposed to the cry it out methods I had not researched simply because I was deterred by just the literal idea of Crying. It. Out. Poor babies. Upon further research and consultation with my son’s pediatrician (who might I add, assuaged my main concerns with educated responses), I learned that the cry it out methods were not completely literal to their name and there actually is a method to what sounded like madness. I had my reservations (Boy did I have reservations) and frustrations (yes, many of those too), but I stuck with it due to the reassurance from my mom and the pediatrician. 

Our adventures in sleep training were instigated by lack of sleep for several days in a row and a phone call to my mother who somehow managed to decipher through my sniffles, sobs, and, well, just overall weeping from frustration and exhaustion that baby was not sleeping.  She suggested sleep training, insisting that it is not as harsh as it sounds and works for many people. I found myself more receptive to this idea in my foggy state, rationalizing that if my own mother used the method and I don’t hate her it must not be too terrible. This rationalization still seems legit even now that I have been sleeping. Perhaps because I have also seen positive results—I digress. Anywho, I made an appointment with my son’s pediatrician for that day (lucky day!) just to be sure that nothing was physically wrong with him before the line was drawn in the sand. I couldn’t imagine how horrible I would feel if I began sleep training and he was really crying and clingy at night because he was ill! Yikes! 

At the appointment I explained our situation. Doctor checked him out and found everything looked good, ears good, nose good, throat good, no teeth coming in, no fever. All clear. He was happy and healthy. While I was relieved to hear this news, I also felt a lump developing in the pit of my stomach knowing what was going to happen next. Dun, dun, dun…SLEEP TRAINING. I still can't tell if I found myself on the verge of tears out of exhaustion or trepidation about what was facing me. SLEEP. TRAINING. Our pediatrician is wonderful and I'm sure my glossy, misty eyes didn't get past her. I'm also pretty sure I'm not the only overwhelmed first-time mom who has walked into her office bordering on releasing a tropical rainstorm. The pediatrician made very good points and explained very specific directions in beginning sleep training. During our appointment she shared a very great analogy that helped clear up the whole sleeping mess we were having that helped me to be more comfortable with the whole sleep training concept. Now remember, baby was falling asleep in my arms at bedtime and then I would lay him in his crib. Doc said, “Imagine that you went to sleep in your bed and then woke up in your car. You know you’re in your car, but you can’t help but panic a bit trying to figure out how you got to your car when you know you were in your bed. You might call for help or reassurance.” Aha! Crystal clear. Baby needed to fall asleep in his bed so that when he woke in the night he wouldn’t freak! The doc also explained that this sleep training thing might take up to a week “or more” (Or more?!) to stick. She also explained the importance of consistency so that baby would recognize that the crib was for sleeping and crying wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Here were our rules outlined by the doctor:

• Stick with regular bedtime routine, but do not allow him to fall asleep while breastfeeding. Unlatch, burp-do whatever necessary to keep him awake, even if only barely.
• Lay him in the crib awake, sing a lullaby, say good night, what have you—Just make it the same each time to cue him it’s time to sleep.
• Walk out of the room. Let him cry for 5 minutes. 
• HAVE AN ACTIVITY TO DO WHILE HE CRIES (i.e. do the dishes, crossword, game of Candy Crush, puzzle, etc.)
• Go in at 5 minutes. DO NOT PICK HIM UP. Lay him back down if necessary. Repeat lullaby, “good night” la la la. Do not stay longer than a minute. Walk out.
• Continue to return to room every 5 minutes if he is crying or if you feel it necessary (like if he’s standing) until he’s asleep. The doc gave us no overall time limit.
• Make sure it’s the same person returning to room who laid him down. So if dad laid him down. Dad returns every 5 minutes. If mom, then mom returns.
• Only pick him up if he’s dirty. Do not console. Just change diaper and place back in crib.

So what was our process? If I’m being completely honest we stuck to the general outlined rules by our doctor, but varied them a bit so that it meshed cry it out methods with “camping out methods” (yes, I learned this was a training method as well). Here was our process:

• Stick with regular bedtime routine, but do not allow him to fall asleep while breastfeeding. Unlatch, burp-do whatever necessary to keep him awake, even if only barely.
• Lay him in the crib awake, sing a lullaby while running fingers through hair until he’s somewhat calm. Leave room.
• HAVE AN ACTIVITY TO DO
• Return in 5 minutes to repeat.
• Continue until he falls asleep.

      The first two weeks were a bit rough to get him initially to sleep (i.e. took over an hour to get him to sleep using this process). I was very tempted to cave.  Maybe it took a little longer for our process to stick because we were a little more tender in our efforts (i.e. he often feel asleep while we sang a lullaby and ran our fingers through his hair, never just alone), but eventually he learned that the crib was for sleeping. He now goes to sleep on his own without need for a lullaby or excessive "supervision" on our part. I will note that the first night we began this process and he fell asleep while in the crib HE SLEPT THE WHOLE NIGHT! Glorious! He’s been sleeping fantastically since. My husband and I no longer look like Walking Dead stand-ins and baby is happy and rested. Happy, rested baby= happy, rested parents. The end.