It's time to face it. My little baby boy is growing up. As his first birthday looms around the corner, mocking me and terrorizing me with threats that all too soon I'll be sending him off to college, I find myself feeling very anxious. I have an aching need to maybe hug him so tight that his growth just might be stunted and he will forever be this tiny little baby I can rock and snuggle. Some of you may be sighing and saying, "Geez, lady he's just one! Lighten up!" And to that I say to you, "Yes, he is just one, but he is growing up by the SECOND." By the end of this post I'm sure to have grandchildren!
Every day I find I'm delighted to see that he's picking up on new things. I find infinite joy out of his obvious pride over newly acquired tricks and skills, but I also take mental note of his growing independence. This is what parenthood is about, right?--Nurturing these skills in order to help these tiny dependent creatures turn into independent, thriving adults. So if I were to reframe these accomplishments in my mind (Hello counselor!), it would indicate that maybe I am doing an okay job at this parenting gig, right? Probably; however, I think any parent would agree that at each milestone there is a sense of accomplishment and joy, but also a bit resistance to the fact that our tiny baby is growing ever so further away from "baby."
Today I find my son has quite the sense of humor and understands the concept of cause and effect. He finds delight in getting a good laugh out of his audience and will repeat what he perceives others to find funny in order to continue this response. For example, over the weekend my parents came into town briefly and like many new grandparents do upon their arrival my husband and I got the quick, "Hi!" then attention was directed straight to the babe. Baby has began to point out objects in the room and desires some sort of response from you (i.e. for the object to be named or marveled at). My mom went the marveling route and responded "Wooooow!" to objects pointed out by Baby and soon Baby was also pointing out objects with a very theatrical "Whhhoooooow!" Amazing. It is now two days later and he is continuing to marvel the sink, the light, the door, the potted plant, the couch, and all these other "astounding and breathtaking" home fixtures. Silly boy!
I also know my son to be cautious in nature. He is willing to try new skills, but at his own pace. Baby took his first steps just shy of 11 months. Over the past month we've watched him grow more brave, taking just a few extra steps each time he finds the confidence to try this new skill out again on his own. On occasions where he requests assistance, he has let go of our hands on his own accord when before he had a held a death grip to each of my pointer fingers. He no longer looks for two hands to walk with and seems comfortable just grasping a pinky as he steps down the hallway. He does not like falling and was initially deterred by this unavoidable side effect of walking thus waited quite awhile before making another effort at two-footed transport. With each day, his walking efforts have become more frequent and his falls have been fewer and far between. Hand holding has become less frequent and distance conquered has increased. I admire his persistence and marvel myself at his accomplishments.
My heart hurt when on our most recent shopping trip for 12-18 month clothes for this winter I found myself in the Little Boys' section of the store rather than the Infants' clothing. His clothing print options no longer are limited to cute cuddly bears, circus animals, and pastels, but now come adorned with footballs, monsters, and other little boy icons. WHAT?! This winter his feet will not be warmed with booties, but actual boots! Am I ready for this?! Guess I have to be. Sigh. Head sulk.
To say I have enjoyed every single second of this first year would be a lie, but to say I appreciate and love each tiny moment is true-good or bad. As I've said before, I feel so blessed to be a parent. I am very grateful. Any parent knows that there are very trying times as well as very over-the-top fantastic times of raising an infant. I can say that I do look back at the entire year fondly and wish it hadn't gone by so fast. My son's FIRST birthday is in three days. Technically he is still an infant for three days and I will cherish every single second of his last few moments of infancy.
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