Adventures in Sleep Training

I should first begin by noting that prior to our journey down the “sleep training” path I was not a believer in any cry it out method and had the selfish thought that my baby would just figure the whole sleeping-through-the-night concept all on his own, because after all, he is the most brilliant baby there ever was! Unfortunately, my husband and I were met with a harsh reality slap to the face at about 9 ½ months that it is called “Sleep Training” for a reason and we soon found that it seemed that our son really did need some training in this department.

Now one might wonder, “How do you know that a baby needs to be put through sleep training?” Well, I tell you, the bottom line is he just WAS NOT SLEEPING. After a week of having regular day schedules, and by that I mean, sticking to nap and feeding schedules with no issue, and horrible nights I found myself desperate. What was wrong with my child? Our nighttime routines never changed. Baby would take his bath about 7:30 p.m., we’d brush his teeth, he’d take a boob or two, and then be out like a light. I’d gently lay him in the crib already asleep and three hours later he’d be awake crying and almost inconsolable. He’d finally fall asleep on me, I’d tip toe into his room to lay him down only to be met with a squeal, resumed crying, and the whole process would start over. Alternatively, if I were lucky enough to actually lay him down without him waking, he would sleep for about an hour and then be up again for another two. All in all, NO ONE was getting much sleep. I realize with young’uns that no one expects the glorious 7 hours or more of uninterrupted shut eye, but at 9 ½ months no one expects to be staying away 2-3 hours at a time in the middle of the night either--Especially since this lengthy wake time had NEVER been an issue before. 

As I mentioned before, I was opposed to the cry it out methods I had not researched simply because I was deterred by just the literal idea of Crying. It. Out. Poor babies. Upon further research and consultation with my son’s pediatrician (who might I add, assuaged my main concerns with educated responses), I learned that the cry it out methods were not completely literal to their name and there actually is a method to what sounded like madness. I had my reservations (Boy did I have reservations) and frustrations (yes, many of those too), but I stuck with it due to the reassurance from my mom and the pediatrician. 

Our adventures in sleep training were instigated by lack of sleep for several days in a row and a phone call to my mother who somehow managed to decipher through my sniffles, sobs, and, well, just overall weeping from frustration and exhaustion that baby was not sleeping.  She suggested sleep training, insisting that it is not as harsh as it sounds and works for many people. I found myself more receptive to this idea in my foggy state, rationalizing that if my own mother used the method and I don’t hate her it must not be too terrible. This rationalization still seems legit even now that I have been sleeping. Perhaps because I have also seen positive results—I digress. Anywho, I made an appointment with my son’s pediatrician for that day (lucky day!) just to be sure that nothing was physically wrong with him before the line was drawn in the sand. I couldn’t imagine how horrible I would feel if I began sleep training and he was really crying and clingy at night because he was ill! Yikes! 

At the appointment I explained our situation. Doctor checked him out and found everything looked good, ears good, nose good, throat good, no teeth coming in, no fever. All clear. He was happy and healthy. While I was relieved to hear this news, I also felt a lump developing in the pit of my stomach knowing what was going to happen next. Dun, dun, dun…SLEEP TRAINING. I still can't tell if I found myself on the verge of tears out of exhaustion or trepidation about what was facing me. SLEEP. TRAINING. Our pediatrician is wonderful and I'm sure my glossy, misty eyes didn't get past her. I'm also pretty sure I'm not the only overwhelmed first-time mom who has walked into her office bordering on releasing a tropical rainstorm. The pediatrician made very good points and explained very specific directions in beginning sleep training. During our appointment she shared a very great analogy that helped clear up the whole sleeping mess we were having that helped me to be more comfortable with the whole sleep training concept. Now remember, baby was falling asleep in my arms at bedtime and then I would lay him in his crib. Doc said, “Imagine that you went to sleep in your bed and then woke up in your car. You know you’re in your car, but you can’t help but panic a bit trying to figure out how you got to your car when you know you were in your bed. You might call for help or reassurance.” Aha! Crystal clear. Baby needed to fall asleep in his bed so that when he woke in the night he wouldn’t freak! The doc also explained that this sleep training thing might take up to a week “or more” (Or more?!) to stick. She also explained the importance of consistency so that baby would recognize that the crib was for sleeping and crying wasn’t going to get him anywhere. Here were our rules outlined by the doctor:

• Stick with regular bedtime routine, but do not allow him to fall asleep while breastfeeding. Unlatch, burp-do whatever necessary to keep him awake, even if only barely.
• Lay him in the crib awake, sing a lullaby, say good night, what have you—Just make it the same each time to cue him it’s time to sleep.
• Walk out of the room. Let him cry for 5 minutes. 
• HAVE AN ACTIVITY TO DO WHILE HE CRIES (i.e. do the dishes, crossword, game of Candy Crush, puzzle, etc.)
• Go in at 5 minutes. DO NOT PICK HIM UP. Lay him back down if necessary. Repeat lullaby, “good night” la la la. Do not stay longer than a minute. Walk out.
• Continue to return to room every 5 minutes if he is crying or if you feel it necessary (like if he’s standing) until he’s asleep. The doc gave us no overall time limit.
• Make sure it’s the same person returning to room who laid him down. So if dad laid him down. Dad returns every 5 minutes. If mom, then mom returns.
• Only pick him up if he’s dirty. Do not console. Just change diaper and place back in crib.

So what was our process? If I’m being completely honest we stuck to the general outlined rules by our doctor, but varied them a bit so that it meshed cry it out methods with “camping out methods” (yes, I learned this was a training method as well). Here was our process:

• Stick with regular bedtime routine, but do not allow him to fall asleep while breastfeeding. Unlatch, burp-do whatever necessary to keep him awake, even if only barely.
• Lay him in the crib awake, sing a lullaby while running fingers through hair until he’s somewhat calm. Leave room.
• HAVE AN ACTIVITY TO DO
• Return in 5 minutes to repeat.
• Continue until he falls asleep.

      The first two weeks were a bit rough to get him initially to sleep (i.e. took over an hour to get him to sleep using this process). I was very tempted to cave.  Maybe it took a little longer for our process to stick because we were a little more tender in our efforts (i.e. he often feel asleep while we sang a lullaby and ran our fingers through his hair, never just alone), but eventually he learned that the crib was for sleeping. He now goes to sleep on his own without need for a lullaby or excessive "supervision" on our part. I will note that the first night we began this process and he fell asleep while in the crib HE SLEPT THE WHOLE NIGHT! Glorious! He’s been sleeping fantastically since. My husband and I no longer look like Walking Dead stand-ins and baby is happy and rested. Happy, rested baby= happy, rested parents. The end.