There's a reason why there are hundreds to thousands of parenting books on the shelves. Everyone has their own view of what they believe to work. Being a first-time mom I thought it was important to get as much info as I could cram into my already exhausted, sleep-deprived brain, but when I read these books about how my son's feeding, playing, and sleeping schedule was supposed to be I felt I was doing something wrong. How come his schedule wasn't like who the books were saying it should be? Am I doing something wrong? Is my son only two weeks old and I'm already failing as a mother? Finally, I came to the conclusion that I should just put the books away and follow my son's orders as to what he needed and when. That was the biggest lesson I learned stepping into my roles as a mother. Do what feels right and everything else will fall into place. I mean, pregnancy and childbirth is a very natural process. Why should parenting be any different? (Ok, I realize there are likely lots of differences and contributing factors, but I'm talking in general here). No one is telling you during delivery that if you breath for three pushes that you have to play for a certain amount of time with a certain type of toy to stimulate a certain part of the brain before you can push again! The nurses and doctors often ask you to tell them when your body feels the need to push. While mothering doesn't come totally naturally to everyone, I think everyone at least comes with an understanding that babies have certain needs to be met.
So back to my point-- I think it's natural to question whether you're doing things right because I think we can all agree that a good parent wants what's best for the child, but the "Perfect" parent seems to portray a sense of some unidentified entitlement. This person just gets under your skin for reasons you can't always pinpoint. When they begin talking about their newest parenting tidbit they read from the most recent N.Y. Times Best Seller list you just want to poke them in the eyes to get them to stop talking. Most often it's because they attempt to point out comparisons of your child to theirs or make comments about how you could apply what they learned to your own child. The "Perfect" Parent is constantly posting on Facebook about how their child is sleeping through the night at 2 months or making comments on others' posts about other their methods (i.e. how long to breastfeed, how to get children to sleep, what kind of diet is best). These posts often consist of black and white thinking and very often some serious judgements about others who don't agree with them. Ugh! Just thinking about them makes me cringe. I have attempted to filter through my newsfeed to get these people out of my face and have even gone to the length of deleting people who I really thought wouldn't notice. In person, though, is much more difficult. Thankfully I have been blessed with the ability to breastfeed up to this point, but when my son was closer to 3 months a mother asked me what my breastfeeding time limit was. I shared that my goal was at least 6 months, but would like to go to a year if I could. I explained that the women in my family had not had a lot of luck with breastfeeding and I was hoping that I would be an exception. THIS LADY HAD THE NERVE to tell me that breastfeeding was more about the amount of effort one put into it and not one's physical ability. Um, hello! If your body stops producing milk, then it stops producing milk! I know multiple people who took the supplements, pumped until their pump when kaput, and STILL they could not produce.
The "Perfect" Parent has a way of making you question the confidence you actually do have in raising your child. No one needs this. As I said earlier, we are all new to this job and we all question whether we're doing a good job. No one needs to have the rug swept out from under them. In my opinion, the "Perfect" Parent is like the rest of us...initially clueless in this new role we've all found ourselves in and on some days is just floundering to keep their head above water. Perhaps maybe they are even more insecure in their new role and use the "Perfect" Parent persona to cover this up. I mean, isn't that what we were all taught in middle school?--That the bully is the one who feels bad about themselves so they have to take other people down to make themselves feel better. The problem with the "Perfect" Parent is they never pass up an opportunity to show off. I cannot stand show-offs. Ugh.
This brings me to my next point. Who is the GOOD parent? The GOOD parent:
- often wears stains on their clothes to work knowing that that one last goodbye kiss may be wet with Cheerio crumbs, but is oh so important to baby
- sometimes cries in the shower because they are so exhausted from being up at 12:30 a.m. then 2 then 3:30 then 5 then 6 but gets out ready to cuddle that poor teething little munchkin
- has a regular inner battle about letting baby sleep in the car seat and park it for awhile or waking them up to go into Target
- often uses this opportunity to catch some much needed quiet time and peruse Facebook/email/Pinterest on the phone while baby naps in the backseat
- sometimes falls asleep while breastfeeding at 3 a.m. only to be awakened by a screech from baby who is now laying lopsided in their lap
- lets baby play with an unopened box of tampons while they shower because that is the only 5 minutes of non-crying they can get in order to get rinsed off
- recognizes that they may never go to the restroom alone again
- dances and sings down the aisles of Wal-Mart without a care who is watching to keep baby entertained while grocery shopping
- leans uncomfortably over the crib while singing a lullaby until baby falls asleep only to start the process all over again when their ankle pops (CRACKS!) and wakes baby as they attempt to sneak out of the room
- knows that baby likes the blanket just over his nose and not over his eyes when he is ready for bed and his hair brushed this way instead of that when rocking to sleep
- eats a bite of slobbery cracker because baby is learning to share and has decided that this would be something nice to share with mom
- offers their shirt as a snot rag at all times (ok, may not offer but baby knows it's there to use)
- has found themselves counting down the hours to bedtime
- finds themselves daydreaming about a glass of wine on particularly grueling days
- finds themselves almost brought to tears (ok, not almost) when thinking about how deeply they love their little one.
Thank you!!! Yes! :)
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